“Are we out of our minds?!” I thought to myself. However, now looking back I realize I may have actually said that out loud. Looking over the array of mess filling my bedroom: suitcases laid out, piles of clothing spread across the bed, packing list in hand. My mind was in a million places (a common “mom” characteristic I have become all too familiar with these days). In just a few hours we would be waking up the kids, and setting off on our first family missions trip… to Tijuana Mexico. The last minute anxieties had begun to creep in slowly, and now it felt as though I was up to my knees in raging flood waters. “Just breathe… calm down… we can do this,” I kept telling myself. Then it hit me, I’ve had this feeling before. Not just stress, not just a little pre-event or pre-travel jitters, but this feeling that WE ARE ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING BIG! Something GOD sized.
It was about a year ago I had this same feeling, when my finger hovered over the mouse pad of my computer, almost sweating (if a finger can do that) before finally hitting the “confirm purchase” button for our one-way tickets from Seattle to Waco. “So why are you moving to Texas?” the question had been asked numerous times, and my husband and I still didn’t have an answer that seemed acceptable or clear to most of our friends and family. Most of them probably still think we’re just really big Fixer Upper fans, and went off to see if we could get Chip and Jo to fix us up a house! Well as nice as that would be, that wasn’t what we were being led by. We felt God was leading us. We’d begun to really listen to the Holy Spirit; to think outside the natural reflex of what we thought we could do, and rather to believe God’s promises of what He can do.
The best words to describe these moments would be: a step of faith. But just to be real here, that move to us, felt like a leap of faith! Everything we were about to do didn’t make sense in human reasoning. At the point of our move it’d been almost 2 years since God had first dropped something in my heart about it. I’d flown to Austin, Tx to visit a friend, and when I returned I couldn’t shake this desire to go back. I tried to shrug it off as post vacation high, but that only lasts so long. This idea of moving to Texas would not leave me alone! I found that every morning during my time with Jesus one of the first things that would pop in my mind EVERYDAY was Texas. Why did I keep thinking about this? Why was it so prevalent in my thoughts? It was frustrating. My prayer became, “Jesus if this is not of you, take it away. Let me never think about it again.” It only became stronger. But my husband was not onboard. It was an entire year before he began to experience the same thing.
This journey of faith takes us places, sometimes geographically, sometimes relationally, but it always takes us somewhere closer to Jesus. That, I have learned. Our journey caused us to have to trust each other and listen to each other as husband and wife. It also brought us closer as a family when we realized we didn’t know more than about 2 people in Waco, Tx and we needed each other. It pushed us beyond what we thought we could do, and forced us to think about what God could do. Why did he want us in Waco? Why was Waco highlighted in the maps of our minds? The day we drove into this city and pulled up to our new house HE began to show us!!! From our neighbor Linda, to our new church, to my husband’s office colleagues at Magnolia Realty, to being a part of a life group, to Valor (our kids’ school), to going through a Discipleship School at our church, and the many MANY relationships he has brought our way, Jesus has met us here!!! God ultimately wants us to just be close to Him. And sometimes He will take us somewhere (if we listen to His voice) just because He knows that that’s where we’re going to really meet with Him. I have this picture or vision if you want to call it that, looking back at our first day here, of Jesus standing at the front door of our Texas house waving frantically and jumping up and down excitedly, shouting, “You’re here! You made it! I’ve just been waiting for you! The Rosens are here!” He was so excited because he knew, that THIS was where we would really get to know Him. This was just the first step of many, to knowing HIM more!
As I threw in the last extra pair of socks into the kids’ suitcase, bound for a missions trip to Tijuana my anxieties were calmed by the remembrance that HE has been so so good to me. And we wouldn’t just survive a missions trip with 3 kids under the age of 7, we would THRIVE. Just as he went before us to Waco, He would go before us to Tijuana. Jesus was already there waiting for us, excited for our arrival! It seems that the more faith (trust in Jesus) we walk in, the greater the blessing we live in. Jesus will go before us! In other words, He’s already there.